Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
