um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
