I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
