some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
