Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
