so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
