my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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