I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
