I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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