gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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