Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
