I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
