Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
