this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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