i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
