I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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