They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
