She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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