she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
