I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
