I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
