you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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