Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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