Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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