We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
