oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
