So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize