the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
