I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
