They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
