3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
...so i touched it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
