I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
