My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
