Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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