My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
