In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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