sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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