Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
