do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
