I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
