I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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