just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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