I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
