So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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