The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dick very happy bro
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