PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
