just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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