I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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