I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
