YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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