so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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