Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
