woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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