My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
