he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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