how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You've changed since you got that strap on
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
