i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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