Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
