I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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