I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
