My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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