my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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