Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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