Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize