um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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