Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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