I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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