There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize