No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
