Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
