Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
